Friday, 12 May 2017

The things Sarah helped me remember


Sarah quit her job as my domestic worker on the second day of this year .  We hadn't had a disagreement or anything like that.  In fact the last time I'd seen her I had given her a Christmas bonus and paid her for days she hadn't worked. The agreement was that she would come back on the first working day of  January to catch up on some laundry and cleaning.  Standard.    I phoned her to wish her a happy new year and to remind her that  I was expecting her.  She simply said "I'm not coming back" ,  As it were,she  had stumbled on a life altering opportunity during the  festive season and had decided to go with it.  It turns out there  is a road construction near her village and she had been enlisted as a road-fixer-lady.   I of course have no issue with her decision only that she had hadn't informed me of her change of plans .  So there I was  baskets full of laundry and the aftermath of having hosted the New Years Eve party. 

So, I did what any level headed 30-something would do...I  filled a glass of wine to the brim and started cleaning.   As  I went through piles of  worn-only -once  jeans, water stained glasses, dust  filled shelves,   sofa stealing coins, insect coffin carpets that  hadn't been touched once in six months, I  came face to my face with myself.

I realized for the  first time  since moving into my house that  I took so much for granted. 

I remembered how much I had fought for have this house.   A little under five years ago the bank had almost refused to finance me for a house.  I in turn refused to accept their refusal .  We had to bargain from there.  The bank said they'd only give me a loan if  I paid a  deposit  amounting to 10% of the total amount.  I had some saving but  I had plans for a renovation and I was not going to give up my dreams of a Nate Berkusesque  makeover.  Damn...don't they watch Oprah?  So, I took the shady deal they offered me, singed countless affidavits that  I was good for the money even though I was not married, paid exorbitant amounts in bond registration and lawyers fees and three months later I had a house. 

Now for the renovations.  It was like a scene from those BBC Lifestyle makeover shows.  I dug out the tiles and stripped the walls.  Light fixtures , window treatments and even the stove were donated to whoever  wanted them.   I had spent no less that a year dreaming and visualizing  my country style home.   I had a year's worth of decor magazines with the theme.  I  read and made notes  from books I loaned at the public library and spent hours on end collecting items that  would suit 'the look of and feel' of my new home.  These included soliciting a fireplace from my parents and digging through my granny' storeroom for her old dining room suit. (Now you must understand my granny is hoarder so there was another scene for another BBC lifestyle show) .

When Sarah quit I had to fix my house not realizing that I was being reminded of my Mikenos!

I took me months to get that house together and  boy did I make memories there.  Those we the best days...I created a home, not only for myself but for my friends and family as well.  Oh if those walls could talk.. The joy, the laughter, the tears and the DRINKS.

Her name was Lavender Blue: Mikenos Manor...the home I built for us! 

It's not you, it's me

There is no easy way to this.  I've been seeing someone else.  I fell in love and I just could not contain myself.  So , for months now , behind your back  I've been involved in a love affair.   Taking every chance that I could to be in that space.  To nestle in the warm embrace,  to retreat and dream about this whole new world.   I'm quite  certain you  felt , my  daze.

It's not you, it's me.  I love  you;  I'm just not in love with you anymore.   I gave you the best day of my life  and my figure too. There's no point in holding on to something that no longer serves either one of us.  I know you feel this too. I'm not hurting your feelings am I? Sorry  sugar but its time  for me to move on.

Its not you, its me.    When you found me I was a child . In essence you  made me.   You groomed me, taught me everything , made me a  cute bad ass; I wouldn't be me if you were not you.  And look at me now, grown up and sure enough to leave you with ease.  Its not you, its me.

Its not you,its me. I will love you always.  And in some ways I will always be yours. And without doubt I'll come back to you every once in a while  because  I know who I am . You are my root and I love you but there's plenty more for me out there.  Set me free. 

Its not you , it's me.  Let me devour this new love,  Let me explore and  exploit it,  We will create a story  more  magical and  more prolific because of what you sowed in me. Wish me well.  My wings are spread out wide. 

It's not you, it's me,  Dear  Polokwane I 've moved to Pretoria.