40 kilos on my pointing finger

It is after eleven on a Sunday night. Ordinarily I would be in bed after grooming myself for the week. Nails clipped and polished, hair in neat square blocks, lunch packed for Monday, clothes laid out...you know the works.  However, I spent my entire  Sunday working on a paper that I pledged to do seven days before the deadline.  Not only did I have limited academic resources but I also only had nine fingers to work with.  See last week after I surrendered my car to the panel beater and after he reversed into causing a third crash in 14 days my mother was gracious enough to loan me hers for the week cause dare I be sleepless and car-less.  I love my parents , who are able to this day to put my needs ahead of theirs.

Now, my mother's car is a debonair Volvo S40 . On Wedensday last week , as I went home to change for my yoga class I slammed the car door on my left index finger. Great balls of fire, I went hot and cold at the same time. What pain. Its like a hundred bolts of thunder landing on your head at the same time.  I saw my sanity flashing before my tear stricken eyes.

As a  person who always looks for meaning in things I tried for hours to figure out why my index finger had to be crushed by a Swedish made automobile with doors  weighing  half my weight... they are very heavy. I couldn't find the answer as I spent most of that evening with my hand in ice in an attempt to deal with the pain.  That didn't work it just made me cold.

On Saturday as  I drove to Haenertsburg  to fetch my custom made meditation chair (this time driving my fathers awesome Ford Ranger)  I finally got the answer to my  injured finger conundrum.  The universe said to me "Shadi you have your finger in too many pies, you need to cut down." I'm quite sure, as the universe is not cruel, that she had tried to tell me in other ways and as an -I can do it all type of person- I did not listen.  So here I am with a blue finger and a dead nail.

The universe speaks to us in many ways, first she sends a whisper, then a slight nudge and then perhaps a  shove in  the back and when you don't listen...she sends a  heavy door crushing on your  finger. Ouch...now I hear you.

You can do it all but not all at the same time