Chronicles of a formerly slim girl (I wear black because...)

I have been dressed in black  for the past four weeks. Yes, only black. It really is quite easy as the general rule is : wear any color you like as long as its black.  You'd be surprised at how colourful  black is .  I have black black, blue black, charcoal black, metallic black ,matte black...its like a friggin rainbow.    The greatest  thing about wearing black  is that no one notices what you are wearing because they only notice the colour.The textures, design and fit go out the window.  Until of course...they ask you what is wrong. Thus far very few  buy my story when I tell them how happy a color black is.   They want  more... Sigh

Four weeks ago I went to Woolworths to  get a few warm things for this season.  After picking up a few items I went into the fitting room to try them on.   This was a big mistake and the single worst thing I have done to myself this year.  In the unforgiving fluorescent lights and wall to wall mirrors of the department store fitting room I saw myself.  There was no where to run and no where to hide. I had to look and  I saw myself.

There it was this grotesque figure , a curios shade of yellow, bumpy , flabby, heavy...fat!

This was the truth. Starring at me.  I couldn't run and  I couldn't hide. I had to see.

I know and accept that at 32 I will not have the body I had at 22.  I know and accept that I am beautiful. I know and accept that I love myself. I  know and  accept that  I have not  taken good care of myself in the last five years. I know and accept that I have had  meals to  drown my feelings.  I know and accept that I saw it happening and I looked away.  I know and accept that I am fat.  I  know  and accept that I am frustrated.  I know and accept that I must do something about it.

I have a personal trainer now and a living will to  bring sexy back!

Its no fun looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself.  I wear black because I am fat.  It  gives me the illusion of hiding.  I feel safe here.  And tears don't leave stains on a black sleeve...

Hiding behind several shades of black