Mad Drama for your Mama...

Note:  this piece must be read with  the accent of an inner city African American woman from the projects.

See, what ha’ happened was.

Last Tuesday  I took a trip to the hair salon to fix the hot mess on my head. So there I was sittin’ in my chair, Hakeem detanglin’ my hair, mindin’   my own damn business when suddenly there was a screeching sound us.  Someone was a getting a beat down…

Lo’ have mercy.

See, the nail technician, let’s call her Peaches, has been knocking boots with her customers’ husbands.  Turns out while Peaches is fixin’ your nail extension and listens to you going on about your life she be thinkin’ how she can get herself some of what you got. Mmhm.   So this customer in particular, let’s call her Shaniqua, done gone and found out about Peaches and her husband and she is not the type of sister to fix  this  sorta thing behind closed doors.  She came into the salon and gave Peaches a beating right in front of everybody. She be hurling insults at Peaches like “ you B***h”  this will stop you from  f******g around with my man”.  Now I don’t know if maybe Peaches got her a death wish but she say “no it won’t, I am not leaving him.” Shaniqua got so mad, she was madder than befo.  She was a hufffin’ and a puffin’.  She had smoke comin’ outta her ears and s**t.

Sistuh. Honey. Gurl. It was hot  up in there…

Maybe you wonderin’ what me and the other folks was doing while this was goin’ on.  Well, Hakeem just he just  kep’ on creaming the relaxer and I was just lookin’ on, shocked outta my mind but laughing on the inside. ( kikikikiki) .  One guy was lookin’ at a magazine actin’ like he don’t see what’s goin’ on.

Now, Peaches got herself free and locked herself in the bathroom. Now, I don’t wanna judge but she was looking like a hoodrat running away from the landlord.  Shaniqua, while fixin herself said  “ you best be ready to live there forever ‘cause I aint goin  nowhere”.   Now Hakeem , he leave’me to  give Shaniqua a talkin’ to after she say she was gon’ go campin’ at his salon forever.    Hakeem, he talk to her , he says “ ma’ am , this here is a place of work, please could you  sort your problems somewhere else, maybe you could go home and talk to your husband ‘’.  Shaniqua wasn’t having none of that, she say “No no I’m done talkin’, I’m gonna whip is a** too”.  Shaniqua was real mad.  She did walk away though shaking her head fixin’ to go beat down her husband. 

Peaches also came out of the bathroom going on about how she wa’nt about to stop knocking boots with Shaniqua’s husband cause she say Shaniqua too full of herself.  She smoked two cigarettes and walked away looking over her back just in case…

I sure wonder who got to the brother first.

Now, I am not one to stick my nose is other people’s affairs but this one darn gone and followed me.  I walked out, hair fixed, bouncing like the girl in the shampoo advert, going back home, grateful for my comparatively drama free life.

Note: This is a true story that happened where I get my hair done at the corner of Voortrekker and Thabo Mbeki in Polokwane. Montel Classiques is what it’s called.  It’s a fantastic salon.  It is clean, beautifully decorated, they have a speed point and drinks and such. Very comfortable. It is usually peaceful sans Peaches and Shaniqua drama.  Hakeem himself is a hair genius, he took me from being a straw haired girl to a lady in Ebony magazine.